I’m done pretending that I’m okay with being friends with you, because I’m not. I have never been okay with it and I’m not going to lie to myself anymore. You can’t leave me hanging for weeks and suddenly expect me to be available whenever you want to talk. What about the times that I needed you? Do you even want to talk to me anymore? Do you ever miss me— at all? There are so many things I wonder, but I realized that there are many things that I’m better off not knowing. I’m making this decision for myself, because I think I deserve better than this.
When hurt turns red and a piece of your heart is missing. When the cold bites deep and you’ve got that feeling like you just got out of surgery. When the only way to stay sane is to concentrate on anything else but how you feel. When you count the tiles in the ceiling. When you push the earphones closer. When you remember every nuance of every word of every time. When all this happens. Embrace it. Feel every feeling. Cry every tear. Sob every sob. Because this is what it feels like to have loved.
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