Letter to a stranger.

Dear you,

How are you? It’s been so long. It feels like forever since I’ve last heard your voice. And yes, I miss you. Stupidly, foolishly, and sadly. But it’s true and as much as I want to deny it, I can’t. 

There are some days where I’m happy— really happy. And those are the days I think to myself that I’m finally over it, over us, over our past. Then there are the days where I think about you and hate you. The way you left things with us, the last words you said to me… thinking about that stuff makes me angry and aggravated. But rest assured, these feelings of hatred last minutes, if not, less. How can I stay mad at you? And finally, there are days when our past just haunts me and controls my every thought. Today is one of those days. Right now, especially. I haven’t missed you this much in a long time. I don’t know what triggered this, but here I am, crying to myself, thinking about our past.

I know, I KNOW you’re happy with some other girl (which really just makes this all so much more pathetic), but other than that, I want to know that you’re doing well. You know what I think about everyday? I wonder how you’re doing in school. I wonder if you’re actually graduating this year, if you’ve been studying for the LSATs, if you’ve applied to law schools… basically, I’m wondering if you’re still working towards your dream. I hope you are. I’ve always told you that you’d make one hell of a lawyer. Not only because you were my boyfriend and I “had” to support you, but because I knew you could do it. And I still think you can.

Do you ever wonder how I’m doing? No? I didn’t think so either, but I wish you did. I’m stressing out a lot right now, baby. (Oh my god did I just write baby? It just felt so right.) I don’t have a job lined up for the summer yet and time is ticking. I’ve been hustling my ass off, spending two hours daily job searching and paying immaculate attention to cover letter writing, but I’m not seeing the results I want. And I know, I’m picky. I want something related to my industry with good pay and when the economy is the way it is now, I really can’t be this finicky. Oh, I also turned down a job offer with Golf Canada without having a back up plan. Smooth, right? You always told me I was greedy. You were right.

I remember when we first started dating, I had never worked a day in my life. Look at me now. It’s been three years of non-stop work; I’m an effin’ self-declared workaholic. But anyways, that’s irrelevant.

All I know is that I still care about you and want to know you’re doing well. I wish you’d call me sometime. Around this time last year, we talked on the phone a lot as friends and I wish we could do that again. But it’s unlikely. And I understand. 

I sincerely hope you’re doing well.

Love,
Me