Ugh.

I haven’t missed him as much as I have this past week and it baffles me because there’s absolutely no reason behind it. I think it’s because I’m back in London and this shitty town is so boring during the day that there’s nothing to do. I remember the only thing that kept me sane in the last two years was being able to talk on the phone with him on boring days like these. Hours and hours on my bed on the phone with him, watching tv, or anything else really. It’s the little things that I miss. Not to mention, there’s this Toronto Maple Leafs sticker on the corner of my bedframe that was stuck on when I moved in and I can’t for the life of me peel it off. I swear, everytime I look at it I get a rush to the past— a rush of him, and it’s really driving me crazy. My friends ask me why I’m so busy all the time and that I need some personal time too, but I keep busy to forget. It’s days like these when not much is going on and all I can do is think about the past. I’m back to where I was before. I’m drowning in guilt, regret, memories, sadness. Where is my best friend? What is he doing? Are we ever going to be friends again? Because when it all comes down to it, I really do just miss him as a friend more than anything. A part of me just wants to forget everything but I know that it’s not humanly possible. I’ve tried everything to put this past me, but I just can’t. I try to be so strong about it. I brush it off when I talk to my friends and laugh it off. Really though, I’m still a wreck and it’s eating me alive. When am I going to get over this…